3/23/07

Tonight

I am reminded of my alcoholic father. I remember him falling all over the house. I also remember other family members being so trashed that they did stupid shit like piss on the furniture. As funny as it may seem I think I see it as more sad than anything. Pissing away money and time being so fucked up that they don't know there own name. The boys naked and silly in the kitchen when I woke up. I was annoyed more than anything and now I feel kind of sick about it now that the reality of it has hit me. The closest person to me for years catering to the asshole-ism that breeds from such nights, wondering if she too may be reminded of her own father. It makes me want to stop this but I know I can't. I wonder if someday Anthony will get sick of the situation and put an end to all of this. She brushing the hair out of the face of a man who can hardly see her. A man who has a problem. I know she is not strong enough to end it. I am sick about her future. I am sick about how I will not be able to handle the retarded alcoholism that is obviously a disease. A man who does not know his limits because he has done this for so long. What do you do when you see things change for the worse and you know it could effect you for the rest of your life? He has had an application for over a week now and has made no attempt to get a job and help support what we have here. He would rather smoke all of our cigarettes and drink until he falls on his pitiful face. END