Sex, Relationships & Emotions
Sex, Relationships & Emotions
This evolving post is about self control, masturbation addiction, melennials, relationships, scapegoating, the media, my own experiences etc... So, basically it's about life and topics that people have a hard time addressing.
These are my own experiences....take it or leave it. Feel free to debate me on deductions that I make here or anywhere you might find my social media. Ty.
These deductions are based my perspective as a lover of both men, women and sex.... as a student of psychology and sociology I learned a lot about how to make logical deductions which I do tend to apply but never as a person of authority... I am just a silly lady. I am not licensed and I am not a doctor. If anything I feel like a community "mom".
I am not a doctor, just a person with a lot of opinions and a ton of sexual, life and relationship experience. I am honestly seeking to educate, enlighten and help. Many people will disagree with my opinions. This will be for various reasons. I honor others choices including they who disagree. I am open ears, mind and heart. I do try to adhere to a logical, opposed to emotional, perspective due to my upbringing.
Some of what I say may be difficult to hear. Please hear me out, I am not judging anyone. I am simply talking about my own experiences with others and the issues I have come across over time. I talk about the differences between my own generation of upbringing in comparison to other time periods that effect my own.
I have dated men and women of all walks of life, both older and younger. My experiences are not scientific tests.... They are the unique perspective of a woman who was poly for about twenty years. I am sharing my experiences so that others may understand how I handled various challenges along the way. I learn by both experience and example and perhaps these personal excerpts will help someone else who struggling to find someone to talk to.
Masturbation In our Nation - A lovers perspective
I want to talk today about....
What is Jelqing and why is everyone on the web talking about it...? Why are we focused on the size of male genitalia? Why is the burden of sexual satisfaction often placed on the size of our sexual organs? Melennials and emotions in a relationship context...
This came up recently and I wanted to share my experience with this. I had a boyfriend once who was obsessed with this. He wanted to be bigger, wider or longer etc... I agreed to help him by administering this to him.... As an experimental sexual thing and as his sexual partner (to be clear I had never done it before and he knew this) He was not a fan of masturbation but he was kind of an "attention whore" so I think that for him it was something different than a couple others I have had the pleasure of knowing. I can say this.... It did nothing. It did, however, allow me to touch his member a bit more often so I didn't mind. I was no more harsh on that thing than than average and I followed all the steps but no... It really
Didn't do anything...
My two other experiences were with men who were addicted to masturbation and porn. Both of them hardly engaged me, both of them were obsessed with their own ... "Stuff" and to be honest, it just "came off" (no pun intended) as another good reason to focus on their own bodies. Another scapegoat from giving in an ounce of effort to learn about by body opposed to seeding t-shirts in the name of supposedly giving me more pleasure..... All it accomplished was a sad alibi for their porn addiction and either narcissism or depression. For me.... It was, and always will be, an utter turn off.
Masturbation is okay in my book, it can be healthy.
It has many benefits in health and sexual function but seemingly many man have serious addiction issues. The constant stimulation of the sexualized media they consume seems to numb them out. It hinders them from really "engaging" or connecting. Shit, part of me wonders if the current environment does not hinder the desire to give a shit about much more than getting off as if orgasm is literally an uncontrollable thing that happens "to them" opposed to a healthy locust of control that says they are actually;
1. In charge
2. Merely giving into an idea
3. Causing relationship problems
4. Driving their partners away or have no partner
5. Not victims of circumstance
6. Able to change
7. Not being forced
8. Responsible for their actions
9. Weak willed
Sadly, people tend to treat these issues differently than 20 years ago. We were held accountable for our actions. If we messed up, to show we cared, we tried to fix... it or we simply admitted that we really didn't give a shit. Melennials seem to believe that even the emotions of others are only on their behalf. Many seem to have an emotional disconnect... where the reality is that the world, others and even the natural order of life does, in fact, not revolve around them. They cannot seemingly accept the emotions of others. The result is seemingly a general overall lack of compassion due to the inability to relate. Though these traits seem akin to autism it is, in my opinion very different. I say this because in my experience this behavior Is not for lack of ability, but rather, a sense of numbness, confusion and childishness. It is as if they never realized that there are things they have to suffer through to learn, grow and advance.
They are seemingly unable to actually connect unless the issue is about them or the emotion is owned by them in some way. Brief moments of realization seemingly help them see the bigger picture because at thoes moments of clarity are pivot points to glimpse what others might feel like.
I was raised with the idea that "I cannot do it" was simply a lack of trying and the result was not only culpability but remote for being shitty and the ability to actually connect... Oppised to just convincing Oneself thth it's "not possible" until they have victimized themselves into stagnance and
Few want to really try and in the age of narcissism and selfishness / hindered self awareness... Its not helping anyone. Acting like you cannot help it is merely your unwillingness to change and lack of desire to try. These actions taken are not happening to them... They are causing and perpetuating an issue it and they are to blame if they refuse to try. Seemingly, it is easier now a days to weasel word an issue than actually try, care or
I don't seek to control anyone but I am pretty aware if my own needs. Sure, release ye mermaids all you want. However, for me to stay engaged and not feel like I am neglected or just a supplement to your spilling seed into some random TP wad, sock, sink or toilet... when you actually have sex enough supplement. Most men I have encountered have porn issues, body issues, self worth issues, depression, drugs or drama problems...
To be honest the goal for most men is length and this technique rarely helps with length at all. It is known to increase girth but I want to explore this idea with you before you run off and start trying to abuse Mr wankey like it's a toothpaste tube.
Trying to push the blood around a males private bits to attempt a (nominal at most) bit if enhancement. It seems likely, in my opinion, to be some level of self justification for "private time".. in the name of not "just" being self indulgent.... Which is honestly nonsense. Either do it, know it's about you, for whatever reason or even none.... Rather than try to justify that this act has anything to do with anyone but you.
As a partner these desperate attempts to change these tiny things seems like nothing more than A sign of physical insecurity. (Or masturbation addiction)
The attempt is futile and often causes perminant damage. Honestly, I'd wager, people would rather get laid more often than they care about attempts at enkarhement. Remember, this is at the expense of potentially losing the ability to uhh... "Rise up". People who focus on "enhancement", I feel, are missing the point. I hypothesize that most people need intimacy, closeness and love more than a 1/57865 vein bulge larger that is likely to go unnoticed anyways.
....Likely, your intimate partner would rather engage more often than wait for you to convince yourself that you achieved Masterbatory and girth nirvana by edging yourself off somewhere alone... whilst trying to murder every capillary in your tender bits. It sounds gross because it is. If you do this be aware... it can cause you to have issues as older adult. Look it up, check out the awfulness before buying into this.... Ifitwirked so well I'm pretty sure most enhancement meds, tools etc would not be so popular. It can work.... At the cost of your body. Nothing is free... You will pay in capillaries.
My honest advice
Be more confident about yourself and none of that crap will even matter. Focus more on learning about your partner and their needs and you will find that confidence in these matters is better when you are intuitive about others... It's much hotter than one micron of Girth...
If someone loves you or wants you.... They likely could care less and just want to feel desired, loved and secure... I something recently on the web that struck a chord with me. You don't need to ruin yourself to be who you feel you are.... You should always accept that person inside before you proceed to perminantly change your body. I support others choices 100% I just wish people could find self love and acceptance before they make irrivocable choices.
IMO we should focus less on male enhancement.. and more on self awareness and acceptance. If all you do is change to avoid "psychologically mending yourself" it is akin to running away, moving from place to place. No matter where you go.... "There you are" (my dad said that a lot). I'm not speaking on sexual stuff or gender either.... Though self love as a person no matter what you are should freaking matter. If you are not right with you.... There is no change that will 100% fix the person you are inside until you face your own self worth issues.